


I forgot what I was losing my mind about

by Lovelypeterick



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, bipolar, lullaby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 23:54:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14862710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovelypeterick/pseuds/Lovelypeterick
Summary: Pete’s thoughts are getting to him again and Patrick’s the only one who can drown them out.





	I forgot what I was losing my mind about

Waking up to your favorite person next to you is probably the best thing ever. For Patrick, it was Pete. His favorite person in the entire world, his love, his life. Even though his face is currently buried in his pillow and his is hair sticking up wildly, he was beautiful. He caresses his cheek, rubbing it with his thumb, gentle and lovingly. He smiles to himself and presses a small chaste kiss to his temple and whispering, "I'll be back." He thought he'd get some coffee for them while Pete slept, so he walks out of their bedroom, closing the door softly before grabbing his car keys. He's still in his Batman pygamas, but he couldn't care less right now, honestly. He slips on some shoes before heading to his car, making his way to Starbucks. 

By the time he got there, the line had about five people in it and he sighed due to his impatient nature but headed in anyway, situating his stuck up golden-blonde hair and wondering why he didn't put a hat on. He finally got to the front of the line, smiling as the girl asked for his order. He order a medium Caramel frappe for himself and Pete favorite; Pumpkin spice with extra whipped cream on top. He says it reminds him of last Halloween when they first met; They were both at a costume party, Pete was dressed as a stereotypical vampire, while Patrick was David Bowie, completing the Look with Bowie's signature lightning bolt painted on his face. After agreeing the partying scene wasn't for them, they got coffee together instead. 

The girl finally came back with the drinks and asked for their names. "Patrick on that one", his voice was still thick with sleep as he pointed to the caramel frappe. "On the next one, can you... just write... 'my love', please?" He said lowly, blushing a light pink and looking down at his shoes. The girl smiles and nods, "sure!". Patrick mumbles a small 'thank you', as she writes the names in black sharpie and puts the coffees into a cardboard cup holder. Patrick reached for his wallet and slips out a twenty-dollar bill, telling her to keep the change. He just wanted to get back home with Pete. He carefully picks up the drinks, exchanging one last 'thank you' with the cashier and walked back to his car, *almost* spilling his coffee.  
-

Patrick was careful when he opened the front door so he didn't wake Pete. He hasn't slept well in a week; He was getting worse. With the anxiety, the depression, and of course, the insomnia. He told Patrick that he just couldn't stop thinking at night, that the thoughts wouldn't let him sleep. Patrick sets the coffees on the kitchen table, quietly removing his shoes. He freezes when he hears crying and muttered curses. 

He walks toward their bedroom door, slowly opening it to see a distraught Pete. His whiskey-colored eyes were red, his cheeks were tear-stained, his knees were pulled to his chest and he was shaking like a leaf. Patrick's heart felt like it crumbled at the sight. He hated seeing him like this. 

"Pete, baby, what's wrong?", he asked softly, his lips tugged into a small frown. Pete only quivered more as Patrick walked over to their bed, sitting beside him. "Pete, please. Look at me.", he gently lifted Pete's chin up, letting his blue eyes meet with Pete's brown, glassy eyes. Pete sniffles, reaching his hand up to lightly tug at Patrick's hair out of frustration. Patrick didn't mind, he only hugged him; held him as tight as could. "You l-left. I thought y-you left me forever. And I n-needed you." He stuttered shakily. Patrick immediately shook his head and raked his hands through Pete's hair, reassuring him that he would never leave him. 

"No, no, I just went to get us coffee, honey. I got your favorite with extra whipped cream." Patrick didn't see, but Pete smiled at that. They swayed back and forth as Pete left kisses on Patrick's neck. It was his way of showing him he was thankful for him, that he loved him when he couldn't convey his emotions into words in these moments. "I'm sorry, 'trick", Pete whispers in Patrick's ear. He sounds so shattered. Patrick kept telling him he had nothing to be sorry for, but Pete only kept repeating his apologies, which were now muffled into Patrick's tear-soaked shoulder. 

He released his grip from around Pete, holding the teary-eyed boys face in his hands and kissing his forehead just between his furrowed brows. "Baby, you need to tell me what's making you feel like this, I want to help you." As messed up as he was right now, Pete still got butterflies when he called him 'Baby'. Pete sighed, looking down at nothing in particular. "I just- can't do this anymore, everything is so hard." His breathing was unsteady when he spoke. 

Patrick's heart sank when he noticed the bottles of anti-depressants and anxiety medications on their nightstand. Patrick knew he was getting worse, but he didn't know he wanted to die. Pete noticed he saw them because he looked down in shame. Patrick feels like it's somehow his fault. Maybe he should've been there more, maybe he should've listened more. 

Pete, on the other hand, knows that's bullshit because Patrick was there every second through his manic episodes. And he felt bad. He thinks Patrick deserves someone better, someone that doesn't drag him down. "Pete, I need you. You have to do this. You can't leave me. Please don't leave me..." He was crying hysterically now at the thought of living without Pete. They had their own way of suppressing each other's dark, twisted thoughts and who knows what would happen to Patrick if Pete killed himself. 

"But, you don't need me, that's the thing. You're so strong, Patrick. You don't have to depend on me every second of the day. You can deal with shit." He was almost envious of Patrick. He could deal with things in a way that Pete couldn't. He could stick some earbuds in and mute those dumb thoughts. Pete was the exact opposite; music made him think more. I guess he could blame it on his depressing music taste but it wasn't fair. Although, anything Patrick would sing ultimately made him feel okay. It was the perfect in-between; it'd make him feel the happy thoughts, while completely muting every bad thought. "I need you more than you know, Pete.", he whispered into his skin, taking in his warmth.

Pete looked up at Patrick with sad eyes, "Sing to me— please". His voice had stopped shaking now. Patrick smiled sadly, kissing Pete and mumbling, "only if you promise not to leave me. Ever." into his puffy lips. He knew a promise would never cure Pete's demons. He knew it'd never completely rid of the thoughts in his head, but they'd work on it. Pete thought for a minute. What if he couldn't keep that promise? What was the point of staying alive anyway? But when he looked at that pretty face in front of him —beautiful blue eyes shining with tears— he realized how much Patrick actually cared about him and would miss him.

"I promise", he choked out, crying once again. Patrick pulled him into another hug, gripping onto his shirt like he'd get away if he didn't. Patrick pulled away to wipe Pete's tears away with his thumb and kiss him passionately. "Come here." Patrick cooed, laying down with Pete still in his arms which made him go down with him. They were only inches apart staring into each other's eyes. Patrick's hands were draped around Pete's neck, while Pete's arms were wrapped around Patrick's waist and mindlessly tracing small circles on his back.

"Honey is for bees, silly bear" He started to sing lowly, as Pete relaxed and smiled right away. "Besides, there's jelly-beans everywhere", he sang a bit louder, running his hand through Pete's hair. Pete's eyes were now closed and his breathing finally steadied. He listened to the words carefully, reading deep into each lyric, picking it apart like he usually would. "It's not what it seems in the land of dreams." He presses a light kiss to the corner of Pete's mouth. "Don't worry your head, just go to sleep." He whispered the last part as Pete's breaths evened out, indicating he was close to letting sleep take him.

 

"I love when you sing to me." Pete mumbles sleepily, half-smile still gracing his lips.

 

"I will sing to you everyday if it will take away the pain." Patrick whispers and presses a kiss to Pete's forehead as he drifts off.


End file.
